Reasons to love Valentine’s Day

The Very Unromantic Origins of Valentine’s Day

A deranged emperor, a massacred saint, and goat slapping…

Cherubs (Putti) used to be fierce monsters with four faces. But the Renaissance artists turned them into fat, winged babies that are always up to no good. Detail, Sistine Madonna, Raphael, 1512/1513 | Public Domain

On Valentine’s Day, happy couples gaze adoringly into each other’s eyes and celebrate the wonders of love. I can’t wait! Personally, it’s my favorite holiday. (Yes, I am one of those people.)

But it’s probably not for the reasons you might think. It’s the history that gets me all choked up.

Much like the holiday, Valentine's Day's origin is as nasty and confusing as an orange creme-filled chocolate. And no one seems to agree on which tale to tell the kiddos.

You do have options — we have a deranged emperor, a blind girl, a massacred saint, or a pagan fertility festival. And it all ends in the institution that ensnares (I mean unites) two people in wedded bliss.

Let’s start with the 3rd century A.D and the diabolical Emperor — Claudius Gothicus — otherwise known as “Claudius the Cruel.” He worked hard for that sobriquet. Claudius had a talent for massacring Goths.

He wasn’t too spectacular in the love department. There doesn’t seem to be a misses Gothicus pulling on his heartstrings in any part of this story. Sorry!