Member-only story
5 Ways to Tell if Someone You Are Dating is Seeing Other People
Without directly asking them
When I walked into my therapist’s office, she immediately knew something was off. It didn’t help that I looked like Nick Nolte after a bender. Fortunately, my bender wasn’t substance-related. Mine was because I was getting mixed messages from Andrew* — a guy I had been dating for three months. I had stopped seeing other people, and I wondered if he also had.
I explained my conundrum to my therapist as she scribbled away in her lined notepad. She then made a bold suggestion. It was advice that made me question if she had any clue how hard modern dating had become.
“Why don’t you ask him if he is seeing other people?”
I shifted in my seat and wrapped my arms around my chest. Her office suddenly felt ten degrees colder except for the flames shooting out of my ears.
“Are you mad???…I can’t do that.”
She exhaled and put down her pen. “And why do you feel you can’t communicate your desire for a commitment?”
Well, now she was toying with me.
“Listen, therapist lady with the fancy medical degree, the whole reason why I come to you is I have deep-seated emotional immaturity and an avoidant attachment style from growing up…